She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
