# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
high people should be assigned attendants
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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