I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
