ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
