he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
