Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
