It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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