tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
