508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
