i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
