Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
