I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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