Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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