it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just pee around me
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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