So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
