The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
