You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize