My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
