if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
