I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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