i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize