So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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