I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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