uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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