Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
