jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
