Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
