so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
