Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
