Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
