Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
