Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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