some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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