She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
