I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
what day is it and did you see me today?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
