i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
