The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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