he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize