I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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