I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
