Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize