he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
