Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
