I just pynch a tree in the face
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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