I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
