im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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