I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
