Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
