Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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