you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just google imaged poop.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
