I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
