people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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