Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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