it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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