She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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