I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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