I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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