Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
