There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
