yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
