And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
