dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
