i don't like sucking hair
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize