You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize