Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
