Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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