Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He felt like a one man threesome
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
