I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Who did Billy Mays play for?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
