I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
