Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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