So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
