someone threw a dead crab at me
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
