Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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