Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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