but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize